You’ve tried to do the right thing – you’ve listened and now it’s your turn. You’re giving advice or instructions and now it’s the other person who isn’t hearing you! What on earth is happening and why is getting through taking so long.
Here are the top three reasons that others might switch off.
Unclear benefit
We listen when a message is interesting or useful. Try one of these phrases:
- Would you like to solve the problem of….?
- I came across something you might find useful
- Let’s talk about how you can…
- If you want to…you might consider…
- Would you like some suggestions on how to…?
The ‘inner child’ reaction
If you have fallen into ‘lecturing parent’ mode, they may react in ‘defiant child’ mode! It happens to the best of us and its very instinctive. Try these tips:
- Keep your body relaxed and upright – no crossed arms or legs
- Drop the classic trigger phrases like ‘You should…’
- Avoid gestures like pointing (not only with your finger, but with objects such as pens)
- Asking questions that guide the person rather than tell
- Use phrases like, ‘I have a suggestion that may assist. Should I share it with you?’
The monologue
Many of us have short attention spans and switch off. Involving the listener is important. Try this:
- Asking questions to engage others
- Encourage the sharing of thoughts
- Taking a coaching approach when giving feedback
- Thank and acknowledge